It was February 17th, 2018 and FINALLY Justin was working his last Mardi Gras parade of the season. Mardi Gras had taken my husband and Taylor's Dada away for 4 long weeks but it was finally over. As soon as he got off we would be heading to Justin's hometown of Houma, Louisiana. At that point I didn't care where we went or if we just stayed at the house all weekend, I needed him. I was drained from working full time and taking care of Taylor and he was drained from working his regular shift plus the extra Mardi Gras shifts. Justin got home from the parade, and we headed to Houma. That weekend in his home town was nothing short of perfect. He finally took me to eat at the restaurant he'd been telling me about since we started dating 6 years before. We found the perfect alligator head to put on top of our kitchen cabinets. His great grandpa gave him the only heirloom he ever wanted. And to top it off we stopped at the New Orleans City park on our way home and went to Storyland and watched sweet Taylor chase ducks around. This was it, the light at the end of the tunnel. I had my husband back and 2018 was going to be a great year. The weekend had been something out of a fairytale.
We got back from New Orleans Monday and spent the day just getting ready for us to both go back to work the next day. I would go in and work my 8 to 5 and he was going on night shift since that was what crime detail was assigned to at the time. Tuesday came and I woke up, got Taylor dressed and we were off, but not before kissing Justin goodbye...but what I didn't know was it would be the last time I ever kissed him alive. The memory of him laying in bed that morning, so peaceful, still lingers. Justin went into work, I got home, fed Taylor and rocked him off to sleep like I would any other night. But this night, for some reason, Taylor held my hand as I rocked him. I took a quick picture of it, laid him in his crib, fed myself and headed off to bed fairly early that night. Justin and I texted for a few minutes, talking mostly about how we hoped it wouldn't rain all night. I told him to be safe and that I loved him, and he texted back " I love you too"
It was around midnight that I woke up to use the bathroom, which wasn't at all uncommon since I have the smallest bladder known to mankind. I got back in bed and figured I would check my phone. Normally Justin wouldn't text me after we had said goodnight but I always checked just in case. When I looked at my phone I had a message...from one of the girls that he had graduated the academy with saying "Has anyone contacted you?". My initial thought was, that's strange, but I was calm. At that point I tried to call Justin 3 times. No answer. Okay I thought, he's on a call. Let me just pull up facebook and see if he had been on recently. When I open up facebook a live stream from the news pops up, " Officer Shot"....Panic starts to kick in. It wasn't him, couldn't be. But he wasn't answering so I needed to know he was okay. I looked through our phone bill and found his partners number since I didn't have it....I call her and she answers....she's crying. Any ounce of calm in me is gone at this point. I ask her, "Is he okay?" and she just keeps saying "I don't know Erin, I don't know." So I hang up with her and call 911. We lived in the county so when I called it was county dispatch. I don't remember exactly what I said but I do remember the dispatcher saying " Mam, we're going to send a deputy to your house" and I yelled back " I don't need a deputy! I need to know if my husband is okay!" At this point I think they figured out who I was and connected me to city dispatch. Someone comes through the phone and says " Mrs.Billa, someone is on their way to your house."....This whole time I never once thought he was gone. I was thinking okay he's been shot but he's probably in surgery and he's going to be fine. And then the knock on the door came..... It was the chaplain, an assistant chief and a friend of ours. I open the door, and they step inside and Chaplain says, " I'm sorry, theres nothing else we could do." And that was the moment I literally felt my heart break in half. It's a real thing, heart break. It's a feeling that makes everything in the world stand still. I screamed and I cried until I couldn't scream and cry anymore. All the while Taylor is crying and they are doing their best to console him. I take him back in my arms. And we rocked, in Justin's recliner that he loved. I stroked Taylor's hair repeatedly. I was convinced that I was going to wake up from this. I was just in a terrible nightmare. But It wasn't....it was real. It was the day the every single thing about my world would change, and nothing that was would ever be again.....
To be Continued- EBB <3
We got back from New Orleans Monday and spent the day just getting ready for us to both go back to work the next day. I would go in and work my 8 to 5 and he was going on night shift since that was what crime detail was assigned to at the time. Tuesday came and I woke up, got Taylor dressed and we were off, but not before kissing Justin goodbye...but what I didn't know was it would be the last time I ever kissed him alive. The memory of him laying in bed that morning, so peaceful, still lingers. Justin went into work, I got home, fed Taylor and rocked him off to sleep like I would any other night. But this night, for some reason, Taylor held my hand as I rocked him. I took a quick picture of it, laid him in his crib, fed myself and headed off to bed fairly early that night. Justin and I texted for a few minutes, talking mostly about how we hoped it wouldn't rain all night. I told him to be safe and that I loved him, and he texted back " I love you too"
It was around midnight that I woke up to use the bathroom, which wasn't at all uncommon since I have the smallest bladder known to mankind. I got back in bed and figured I would check my phone. Normally Justin wouldn't text me after we had said goodnight but I always checked just in case. When I looked at my phone I had a message...from one of the girls that he had graduated the academy with saying "Has anyone contacted you?". My initial thought was, that's strange, but I was calm. At that point I tried to call Justin 3 times. No answer. Okay I thought, he's on a call. Let me just pull up facebook and see if he had been on recently. When I open up facebook a live stream from the news pops up, " Officer Shot"....Panic starts to kick in. It wasn't him, couldn't be. But he wasn't answering so I needed to know he was okay. I looked through our phone bill and found his partners number since I didn't have it....I call her and she answers....she's crying. Any ounce of calm in me is gone at this point. I ask her, "Is he okay?" and she just keeps saying "I don't know Erin, I don't know." So I hang up with her and call 911. We lived in the county so when I called it was county dispatch. I don't remember exactly what I said but I do remember the dispatcher saying " Mam, we're going to send a deputy to your house" and I yelled back " I don't need a deputy! I need to know if my husband is okay!" At this point I think they figured out who I was and connected me to city dispatch. Someone comes through the phone and says " Mrs.Billa, someone is on their way to your house."....This whole time I never once thought he was gone. I was thinking okay he's been shot but he's probably in surgery and he's going to be fine. And then the knock on the door came..... It was the chaplain, an assistant chief and a friend of ours. I open the door, and they step inside and Chaplain says, " I'm sorry, theres nothing else we could do." And that was the moment I literally felt my heart break in half. It's a real thing, heart break. It's a feeling that makes everything in the world stand still. I screamed and I cried until I couldn't scream and cry anymore. All the while Taylor is crying and they are doing their best to console him. I take him back in my arms. And we rocked, in Justin's recliner that he loved. I stroked Taylor's hair repeatedly. I was convinced that I was going to wake up from this. I was just in a terrible nightmare. But It wasn't....it was real. It was the day the every single thing about my world would change, and nothing that was would ever be again.....
To be Continued- EBB <3
Perfectly written horrible account, Erin. I mistakenly thought I could read this post in a public place without crying. You made the past two years look more bearable that your words elude. Prayers for you, beautiful lady.
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